By: Cheryl MacKenzie

Cora pushed the gas pedal to the floor of the Plymouth Valiant as it approached the hill, although it lost power as it reached the apex. The engine was burning oil now and a black cloud of smoke trailed her as she watched, dismayed, in the rear view mirror. Well, who cares, I’m sixteen and it gets me around, she thought; I’ve got no one to impress. She was thrilled to have a ride at all. Out in the suburbs of Halifax, there were no buses and her parents couldn’t always drive her to visit friends in distant towns strewn along the shoreline.

Descending the hill now, the coast spread before her as the road wound around huge boulders and she crested one rise after another. Spruce trees leaned away from the ocean, bare spots revealing stubs where branches had tried to grow but failed in the face of tides and gales. Footpaths along the edge, where tourists gathered to admire the waves and bravely confront the sea, led to the view of fishing boats out in the deep, as gnarly fisherman culled a living from the mean maritime waters.

She looked again at the box wrapped neatly in tissue paper with a satin bow on the seat next to her; an item hastily bought for lack of a better idea at the drug store yesterday. Nancy had never bought Cora a Christmas gift. Why did Cora feel it necessary to bring something to Nancy? Now, after Christmas, Cora felt a nervous fluttering about going to visit her. She had come to feel apprehensive about being around Nancy over the last year. Nancy was an acquaintance her own age. They went to parties with common friends and had been in the same classes at junior and now high school but Nancy kept everyone at a distance. Nancy didn’t seem to have a best friend, like most teenage girls. Occasionally, they had bumped into each other and had talked during bonfires at the shore when everyone drank beer and the guys yelled defiantly at the ocean. Social gatherings brought them together but Nancy had an edge to her that intimidated Cora.

She guessed it was related to last summer when she had been babysitting with Nancy and they had started to watch a movie after the child had gone to bed; she thought it had been the Exorcist. Cora felt sick about the little girl in the movie turning into an evil, vomit spewing freak. Her skin crawled, her mind spun and she saw Nancy, out of the corner of her eye, smiling with cold authority at Cora’s fear. Nancy relished her discomfort and Cora had suddenly felt a plunge of dread in her stomach. She imagined Nancy secreting an aspect of the girl in the movie and she suddenly felt trapped. She got up to go to the kitchen and Nancy followed. Nancy’s grin was empty and sallow as her mackerel eyes.

Cora left the house at eleven that night giving an excuse that nonetheless, conveyed her alarm. She didn’t care, finding her way home terrified in the dark but thankfully away from Nancy’s menacing predatory delight at her terror. The next day it seemed so irrational but Cora still recalled the feeling, as she approached the village where Nancy lived. It was as if she were now offering a bribe to a dragon.

She had no obvious reason to fear Nancy, who seemed to imply threat. Others kept their distance but Cora found herself compelled to gain her favour for some inexplicable reason. Cora’s mother had asked this morning as she left, about her nice friend Nancy, as she passed on the message that Nancy had called. Her mother didn’t know the way that Nancy quietly thrilled to see panic in the eyes of her friends. It was as if everyone was sleeping or couldn’t see it. Cora had never discussed Nancy with her own best friend. Cora didn’t know how she could ever explain it to anyone nor did she understand her own motivation for going to see her; with a gift no less! Cora did like several of Nancy’s sisters and had a crush on one of her brothers. She enjoyed visiting the family’s three bedroom home, where Nancy’s parents and her seven siblings lived together. The four girls shared a room and the four boys another. It was cramped and active at Nancy’s. Cora’s own lack of siblings left a hollow loneliness ringing in her which was alleviated by visiting the large families of her friends in the villages.

Cora’s parents were struggling as was everyone in 1979 in Nova Scotia. However, the fishing communities were so tightly woven, with family around every corner, that a sense of safety pervaded the entire area no matter how bad it got for everyone. Nancy was a part of that social network and Cora was not. She was an outsider to the villagers’ elaborate family structures but was usually welcomed by them. Although Nancy was always hospitable, Cora watched for evidence of that dark place in Nancy. What was Nancy waiting for? Cora wanted to know. Cora shuddered with anxiety and caught her own eye in the rear view mirror. Was she imagining it? Maybe she wasn’t really crazy since she was asking herself the question. Cora arrived at Nancy’s home, a small wooden house, painted light green, perhaps once darker but faded from years of salt spray. No cars were in the driveway because no one here owned a car. Nancy’s father fished with her four brothers when they weren’t in school and the village grocery provided for their other needs.

Her stomach quivered expectantly as she opened the car door, blasted by a damp current of air from the body of water no more than a hundred feet away. She ran up to the front door and knocked, carrying the gift in her hands and clasping it tightly to her chest to protect it. Nancy’s older brother Jeremy opened the door and greeted Cora brusquely.  He turned away but then peered curiously back over his shoulder, before gesturing down the hall and seating himself in the living area to watch television. It seemed no one else was at home today other than Jeremy and his sister. Cora felt reassured by his presence.

“Nancy’s in the back room.” His long blonde hair hung along the side of his freckled face and Cora’s eyes lit up as she caught his eye for a moment. He blushed and she continued hesitantly down the hall, turning back a couple of times and catching his eye again. They both smiled sheepishly. Cora approached the back room which was more of a large enclosed porch area. There was a woodstove in the corner with a fire but it was still chilly out in the hallway. Nancy was on the telephone apparently talking to her boyfriend Pete. Cora stopped outside the door but out of Jeremy’s line of sight. She heard Nancy agreeing with the caller and decided to enter the room because nothing particularly revealing was being said.

She lifted a hand in greeting and then sat awkwardly across from Nancy. Cora turned to the huge picture window and could feel a cold draft coming from the seal around it. The frosty sea reflected the dull grey sky and whitecaps rolled slowly along the surface while she continued to listen to Nancy’s side of the dialogue.  She floated toward the breakers that protected the mouth of the cove down the coast, before dimly noticing that Nancy had stopped talking. She turned back to Nancy sensing a change in atmosphere. Nancy’s eyes were closed and she held the phone at her shoulder. Her left hand grasped the mouthpiece and the earpiece lay across her breast. Beeping could be heard from the phone indicating the other person had hung up. It was as if Nancy were alone. The room was still. Cora saw Nancy’s mouth drop at the sides in a grimace, her brow came together, her chin fell. Cora’s eyes were discs as she waited for Nancy to move or say something. It was as if she had never before really seen Nancy. Her limp wrist held the phone and the calmness in her tone only a few moments ago; what had affected Nancy this way? She now ignoring the beeping phone.

No tears came although Nancy’s head remained bowed; her lip quivered and water trickled from her nose. Careless of her appearance, Nancy was in that moment before breath came. Then she gulped a deep breath and tears came pouring down her face.

Cora was perplexed. Searching the room, she found a napkin beside an empty McDonald’s bag and brought it to Nancy, embarrassed for her, although Nancy was oblivious to Cora. She stared at Nancy then tried to look away as Nancy lifted her eyes to her.

Cora saw a small frightened person gazing at her from beneath deeply veiled, soft wet eyes. She had never seen this person before. From some finally unlocked room, this child spoke to her.

“Pete…his father’s violence… I can’t stand to hear about it any more. There’s nothing I can do.” She sobbed painfully, wrenching Cora. She leaned gravely in toward Nancy.

Nancy’s shoulders jerked as she emptied herself into the tissue until it was a sopping ball the size of a marble. Strangely, warmth emanated from Nancy, filling the room. It seeped from her in waves. As she breathed deeply expelling the air from her lungs she shone like a beacon; every corner of her softened, yielding to light.

Thoughts flickered through Cora’s mind of previous visits to this house and Nancy’s austere, remote and reproaching father who dominated the room with his unsaid words. It occurred to her that everyone was afraid when he came home. People generally scattered and Nancy usually avoided him. Nancy felt for Pete because they shared a common experience. Cora wondered if Nancy’s enjoyment of others’ fear was a learned way of protecting her own vulnerability.


Nancy was regaining her composure and retreating back into herself. Her glow dimmed and her mouth tightened. Cora saw the softness disappear. Nancy arose and hung the phone up on its hook on the wall before shuffling down the hall to the washroom. Cora plucked at the package on her lap, drew her mouth to the side, felt inadequate.

Upon returning to the room Nancy seemed the way she always was, rigid and adult for a teenager.

“What’s this, you got me a Christmas present?” She smiled crookedly. “Yeah, here ya go.” Cora was still trying to digest the scene from only moments ago. She handed the package to Nancy.

Nancy gave a reptile grin, and opened the tissue paper revealing a book with a decorative cover. She opened it and flipped through its blank pages. Nancy opened for a split second, glanced at Cora and Cora saw it again. A vulnerable innocence peered up from the depth and then was gone again. “You think I should write in it?”

“Sure, it’s a journal. Lotsa people do that. It’s cool.” Cora nodded, encouraging her.

Nancy continued turning the pages, tilting her head as if inspecting them to make sure they were indeed blank.

“Thanks.” She set the book down and they stared at each other, connecting for a moment.

Conversation turned to their friends and then they went to the grocery in the village for something to do. Cora left after a couple of hours, saying a special good bye to Jeremy who still couldn’t start a real conversation although, rumour had it that he was indeed interested in asking her out on a date.

Cora never saw Nancy expose herself like that again. The fear and tension were gone though. No real closeness ever developed between them, although Cora felt that something healing had taken place and her questions about Nancy were answered.

Cheryl MacKenzie lives in Aurora but grew up in Halifax County, Nova Scotia.  Cheryl was an investigator in Toronto for 15 years. She is presently transitioning to social work and planning a second career. She has attended Humber School for Writers Summer workshop with D.M. Thomas.

© Copyright 2008