Debora Kelly
Columns
August 09, 2008 11:19 PM
Debora Kelly
I just want to disappear.”
Can you imagine how you would feel if your child told you that?
Richmond Hill resident Jennifer Krizel knows exactly how it feels. First, deep sadness flooded her heart. Then helplessness, frustration and, finally, anger, washed over her.
For five years, her daughter has been subjected to relentless verbal and physical attacks at school. Pleas for help and intervention to both school boards have been denied, she says.
Diagnosed with anxiety two years ago, her passive, quiet daughter continues to experience vomiting, headaches, enuresis and other related symptoms, including an attempt at suicide, as a result of being bullied almost daily.
Switching schools provided only a fleeting remission from the torment.
Mrs. Krizel contacted me after reading my column several weeks ago about how many of our schools remain places of harassment and terror for bullied students despite the Safe Schools Act, which protects bullies more than their victims.
I wrote about Daniel Sebben, who dropped out of high school and was cutting himself and abusing drugs because of bullying that began in elementary school.
His mother, too, had made many fruitless pleas for help and, eventually, turned to our newspaper to draw attention to the injustice.
“No matter how much we do, no matter what pro-active steps we take, we are made to look like the troublemakers,” Mrs. Krizel wrote to me.
“Like the Sebben family in your article, we have had to make all the changes, suffer all the consequences.
“We got our daughter counselling and coping skills training for two years.
“We have been advocating until we are blue in the face. We have been encouraging and comforting her as best we can all along. We are fed up. We don’t have the money for private school and it isn’t possible to home school. We have a son with autism, which adds to our plate. We can’t go on fighting this way much longer. After five years, we are tired. We are also terrified of what high school will bring.”
I have heard heart-breaking stories such as this too many times to count in my more than 20 years as a journalist in York Region.
Each time I write about bullying, I hear from even more parents whose children are living in a hell we can’t begin to imagine.
This a widespread problem that continues to have a deep and disturbing impact on children, yet nothing changes.
I told Mrs. Krizel I have wished for years that parents of bullied children could somehow find each other, not only to provide support, but to use the strength of their numbers to change the system. She took the courageous step of forming Parents AGAINST Bullying in York Region, a Facebook group that aims to do just that. Created July 22, 46 members have joined.
“If you have a child or children who has been bullied in York Region, PLEASE, join this group,” she writes.
“If we don’t stand together, we won’t be heard.
“At the very least, we can come together and know that we are not alone...the way the school administration ignore and avoid the issue, we start to second guess ourselves but, in our hearts, we know we are right.”
She knows many parents, though frustrated and sad, are reluctant to “make waves”, fearing it will only make it worse.
“Their fears aren’t unfounded, but we have nothing to lose anymore — it can’t get any worse for my daughter. At this point, I’m very, very angry and frustrated — I’m trying to make it better.”
Her family has enjoyed a happy summer, with her daughter’s anxiety symptoms gone. But she knows as back to school draws near, despite her reassurance this year will be different, her daughter’s anxiety will return.
“Every year, you have to have hope that things will be better,” Mrs. Krizel says.
With her Facebook group, she is creating hope for more children than her own.
Join the group, know you and your child are not alone and don’t be afraid to speak out for the change that will make our schools safe for every child.