Canadian politics just like three-down football

Canadian politics just like three-down football

Columns

Bernie O'Neill

Think of federal politics these days and it’s startling the similarities there are to the Canadian Football League.

In both cases, you know it exists. You hear them talking about it on TV ... just as you change the channel.

But you don’t actually leave your home and go to a stadium to witness any of the action, the way 80,000 people might go to a football stadium in, say, Denver, to witness history in the making.

You do have some inkling there are battles going on out there, people butting heads, players huddling, referees (judge, speaker of the house, auditor general) calling some of the players out of bounds.

You’re just not paying that close attention.

Mind you, you’d hate for it to cease to exist. That would just be wrong. It’s an institution! A Canadian tradition. It’s also a tradition to not pay too much attention to it, until maybe the very last day of the season, when everything’s decided.

Which makes election day just like Grey Cup Sunday.

You’re watching it on TV, eating popcorn, asking people who are supposed to know something about it, who this guy is and that guy is and why the rules are different than south of the border and marvelling at how the playing field is so big! — 10 provinces with an ocean at either end.

But other than that, so long as the thing can be healthy and functioning, without you paying too much attention during the regular season, that’s how you’d like it.

Unless you live out West somewhere, or maybe in Montreal.

Then you might pay attention, but just a little bit more.

Why? Everything’s more glamorous in Montreal. Some of your big stars are from Quebec. And they’re just more passionate about this kind of stuff.

Out West, well, you’ve got some excellent organizations and big players, with a shot at being the champs some time after Canadian Thanksgiving weekend.

Which seems like good timing to hold the big finale, because after that it’s just too cold in Canada for people to be expected to get out to a contest between the East champs and the West champs; the East champs likely to be represented by the team with the quarterback from Quebec, Mr. Dion.

There was a time when we in Ontario were the powerhouse. We often won that big prize at the end of a long campaign, with stars from Ottawa, Toronto and Hamilton.

But then the team in Ottawa had a rough ride and folded and now we have the same amount of clout as Alberta.  

But some — a few — say it’s worse than that. They think we should really bring in the American game, to fill our stadiums and get people enthusiastic — become the 51st state.  There wouldn’t be any more quota for Canadians. If every player on the winning squad turned out to be an American, we’d just have to live with that.

We wouldn’t worry about a weak Canadian dollar anymore; we’d just use American dollars.

But wouldn’t this threaten the existence of the rest of the league, from sea to shining sea?

Could the rest of the league carry on without us?

We can’t have one market cosying up to the States while the rest of the country tries to keep the Canadian dream alive.

Mind you, the Americans were in town for an exhibition of their way of doing things and the funny thing was, not that many people showed up. The stadium was half full. They might have trouble paying their Bills.

Meaning, maybe there is still hope. Hope that the Canadian game will start to draw the fan support that has been dropping, from 75 to 60 to perhaps 50 per cent turnout this time.

So, who will win the big Parliamentary Challenge Cup this fall and be declared Canada’s team?

The new champs from the West have that sophomore quarterback who is a little more solid than quarterbacks of days gone by.

He’s rarely left scrambling. Just steps back and makes a clean pass. Nothing too fancy. But it’s a one-man team.

His East opponent seems feisty, but hasn’t really been tested. He surprised a lot of people by getting the starting job, considering a former NHL goalie, another guy who was once big  in the States on the college scene, and even a wealthy young woman who once tried for the starter’s role on the West team and dated the backup quarterback, all had their shot at it.

Of course, he’ll be up against the same challenge as last time, which is that, unless the winner more than doubles the score of his opponent, according to league rules, the team is not declared the clear victor, but rather shares control over the trophy with the first runners-up, who can precipitate a rematch at any time if it disagrees with any actions of the winning team during the following year.

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